When we go deep into the paint, as I like to say, at an intuitive painting retreat we open the door of our subconscious to what’s lurking there. Old stories, wounds, traumas, and unfelt grief can emerge onto the paper without being summoned. They just show up because they need the power of witnessing.

Although much of the retreat experience is filled with expansive freedom and joy, there may be times when our deepest darkest feelings want to be witnessed in full technicolor without shame or judgment. And this can be scary when this happens for the first time, when we want a “beautiful” painting and instead “ugly” stuff shows up. (We also practice not judging our work as good or bad, beautiful or ugly. It is what it is.)

Our whole story, light and dark.

We don’t do spiritual bypasses in intuitive painting because the soul won’t let us.

As my friend Heather Plett wrote recently: Spiritual bypassing (a term first coined by psychologist John Welwood) is the use of spiritual practices and beliefs to avoid dealing with our painful feelings, unresolved wounds and developmental needs.

A spiritual bypass doesn’t acknowledge the shadow or work to integrate the darker parts of ourself, the parts we don’t want to see but need to see. This is why I love the intuitive painting process because those hidden hurts or things we feel shame around that we’ve carried since childhood can come into the light and become a part of the whole. Our whole story, light and dark.

Integration is the goal not avoidance.

We’re able to gently and safely explore these recesses to open pathways of healing and wholeness. Integration is the goal not avoidance or bypassing. The painful story with such a tight hold on us can loosen as we can find room to breathe in those places that were unlit.

When doing this work my primary goal is that of safety. I can’t promise complete safety but as my colleagues in the Art of Hosting work like to say, I can promise you safe enough.

Safe enough.

Safe enough to cry and rage and crumble and shake with grief. To be completely raw and true to your feelings where you will be witnessed in your process by me and those in the circle, creating a tremendous field for healing.

When the tears keep falling.

I remember showing up to my teacher training led by my dear friend Chris Zydel having been struggling with a ton of grief for many months. I would often cry what felt like endlessly as I worked through some deep wounds from my maternal lineage— women who had been badly mistreated by the men in their life— and these repercussions were rippling through me. I felt like I was carrying these ancient hurts in my body, not completely belonging to me but they had a relentless hold of me.

The first night of my training my sobbing kept me awake. When I shared in the circle the next morning (our first witness circle in a year-long training) about my aching heart I felt more vulnerable than I had probably ever been, throwing my woundedness into the strength of the circle even though it was brand new, trusting I would be held while I was breaking. And I was, because that’s the power of a circle. Me exposing my ache allowed an opening for our circle to deepen into truth and rawness.

Afterward when I asked Chris if I would ever be able to stop crying (it seemed bottomless at the time), she said yes sweet girl, the tears will stop, this time it’s different because you’re being witnessed.

“You are being witnessed.” There is so much power in that and it’s why I love and need to be in a circle. I need to be seen. Witnessed. We all do.

Spiritual surgery.

Later that afternoon we did a beautiful healing ritual, the kind that women have been doing for ages. Shaking rattles, drumming and singing over each other, and I had what I affectionately called an “exorcism.” Spiritual surgery. My body responding physically to the purge that wanted to happen from within. I felt the burden physically leave my body. Such sweet release and relief.

The lightness that followed was pure bliss. I had to go sit on the big boulders in the creek for a while and feel the earth against my back, watching the dragonflies swooping. Everything slowed down as my healing integrated deeply into my bones. I remember the phrase that came to me as I returned to the lodge, which I repeated as a mantra, Don’t take it back.

The power of a sacred intuitive painting retreat.

I tell this story not to scare anyone but to demonstrate the power and depth of what can happen in a sacred painting retreat with a facilitator who’s done her own healing over and over again. I love doing the work of gently guiding people through their process, bearing witness as they delve the depths of their psyche and emerge with renewed strength and wholeness. It takes courage to give yourself over to the process but its oh so worth it on the other side.

The next retreat and last one this year is October 12-17, if you’re feeling courageous. wink